Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
