So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
