Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
