Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
