who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
