sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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