On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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