I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
