dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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