white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
