we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Farmville is her only friend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
