I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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