People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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