I look better un-naked...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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