I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
