I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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