First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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