Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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