So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
