I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
