No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
