My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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