My room smells like vodka and shame
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
