I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
