She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
