Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
