just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
