so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
