I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
