he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
