youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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