I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
there is glitter all over my balls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
