Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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