So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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