his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
