i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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