i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i will never coherently bang her
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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