What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
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Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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