I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
