The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
