The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
