last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize