Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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