NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
