sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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