Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
