you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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