Fuck appropriateness.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
