I think i sorta joined a cult last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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