hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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