The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
