Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and she was petting her beer can
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
