Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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