All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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