i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
