Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
