One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
