I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
