I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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