i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
