i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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